Have held TS-SCI for the past 5 or so years and a DOE Q clearance for less than a year. Am up for my periodic re-investigation for both and need to fill out online SF86 in eQIP. In my mid to late twenties living on the east coast. Two recent incidents have been haranguing me and I have wanted nothing more than to come clean but dread letting everyone that has supported me down, especially as I have maintained a top ranking in all performance evals. Before these events I have never used drugs except maybe (?) once or twice when drunk in highschool / college, but even then those events were separated by several years and they each consisted of me not being sure of whether or not I took a single short pull on a joint or some other form of MJ.
During transfer to a new post a few months ago was drunk one night while visiting a friend in LA and dipped the very tip of my pinky in a small bag of cocaine that was being used at a party and put it on my gums/tongue to see what it tasted like. There was no intent to feel anything, and I didn’t feel anything other than a little bit of bitterness and contact numbing where I touched the pinky tip to my mouth, I just wanted to be able to identify the product in the future if I was ever in a situation where that might be applicable (and in an official capacity). Obviously being sober now that seems like a stupid thing as I can’t imagine myself being in that situation in my present position, however it has been something I have always wondered (just what the taste is, because in almost every show or movie in the past 50 years that involves drugs the authority figures tastes the powder and then says something along the lines of it being pure coca or blah blah blah).
Also in the last few months and also on the west coast and also while extremely drunk I was with people I had never met before but they knew the relative whose wedding I was at. At the afterparty following the reception someone started passing around a vape. I took it and asked what was in it and the response was they didn’t know but it hit hard. I didn’t smell anything weird about it (?) so took a quick puff. Tasted weird, I had a coughing fit and I immediately handed it off. Then when I asked again someone else said it was pot (which as a side note I didn’t even know you could get in liquid form for a vape). I didn’t feel any effects, but who knows I was drunk as hell. A few minutes later the group started doing lines of coke and I then quickly left and have never seen or heard from any of them again since and never intend to again, either.
I do not live anywhere near where these events occurred and I don’t intend on nor have any desire to ever use drugs again while working for the government. Obviously actions have consequences and so forth, but I hold a firm commitment to what I do and the units I support, honestly believe that what happened were mistakes and I will not allow them to happen again, and have separated myself from the people and locations which led to the mistakes I made.
I have no desire to lie on my SF86, just want to get feedback and mentally prepare myself for the bed I’ve made. Looking for candid feedback from people with industry experience, not hearsay or opinions on me being a piece of ■■■■. This is the internet though, so you do you.